Hey fellow PERBites, I have a warning for you all.

There's a girl advertising on CL that says that for $$$ for an hour or $.3 for a half hour, she'll be your naughty girl, in North Van.

There are a few things you need to know about this girl. I'll give the good first. It's a short list.

Decent location in N. Van. Close to Lonsdale, in an apartment building. She's nice on the phone. Even sent a txt to make sure I was on my way and had found the place.

And yeah, that's where the good stuff ends. The picture makes her look good. Nice body, shapely legs, long dark hair. Looks like a younger girl. When you get there, you're going to realize that she's TALL, and in her late twenties/early thirties. TALL. Like, 5'10" tall. She's pretty well-proportioned, but if you're expecting a teenage girl and find an amazon, you're going to be shocked. But, hey...I liked Tatiana at BBC's height (even if everything else about BBC pissed me off.) and of course, the little head was fully engaged at that point.

The place is clean enough. It's a bachelor, and she has a bed and a huge massage table there. Candles were lit, it smelled nice. She invited me to sit down, brought me some water...and then she promptly disappeared for about five minutes in the bathroom. Complete with flushing. Given that I'd had to wait an extra 5 minutes outside before coming in, the least she could have done was peed before I got there.

So, she tells me to get comfortable, so I start taking off my clothes. She comes back, finds me naked, and says, "Good, you're not a cop." Now, I understand the threat that LE poses to independents, and all of that. But, this is the kind of thought that you don't say out loud.

There was no massage. Yes, I was only there for a half hour, but hey...at least give me a five minute massage. No, instead she took off what she was wearing, and stuck her boobs in my face. The girl is aggressive. When I say stuck her boobs in my face, please understand that I am being literal. I was lying on the bed, she crawled half on top of me and pressed them into my face. It was hard to talk. Or breathe. Now, sometimes that is good. But she decided to take it to the extreme.

When I saw her kitty, I made an appropriate 'oooh' noise. Hey, if a girl shows you her kitty, whether you're paying for it or not, you appreciate. Her response was 'Ya wanna bang it?' She's aggressive, and crude. It wasn't even said...invitingly. It wasn't even said suggestively. In fact, she was a John Deere hat away from being labeled 'truck stop ho' in my head.

I asked if I would get to lick it. She said if I was good. Then she asked me if I liked licking high heels. (Note: She also advertises on CL's CAS section. I answered an ad there, and got an e-mail back with her phone number in it the same day). I told her that I didn't like that as much as I liked licking pussy. And while that should have been an indicator that 'Hey, this client would like DATY'...it just soured things a touch further with her.

So, just to summarize: Five minutes outside in the cold before I could enter the building. Five minutes in the bathroom at the beginning of the session. No massage. No class. No DATY. Now, no teasing either. Just boom, the cover went on. I wasn't even fully hard yet. (Gee, I wonder why?)

Anyway, the CBJ started. And here, I will say that she wasn't bad. Not great, and BJH..don't bother making the trek to North Van for this. But, as CBJ's go, it wasn't bad. Got me nice and hard, and started the juices flowing. I tried touching her, but she was positioned so that the only thing I could really enjoy was her back and side. Couldn't even reach her booty, breasts, or anything else.

And the CBJ kept going. I told her that I wanted to change to something else. And she kept going. I told her that she'd better slow down (I was gonna blow) and...guess what she did? Sped up. Yes, Perb-ites...I indicated that I didn't want to end my session yet, and she forced me to. I blew my load, and then she committed another (what I consider) cardinal sin. She gagged, exclaiming that she had felt it. Now, I had the cover on, and it didn't break, and I don't remember hiding any spring-loaded javelins up my shaft anytime recently, so I was forced to think that either a) she has the worst gag reflex in the universe or b) she's a melodramatic ho who really doesn't like what she's doing.

I vote for c) all of the above.

If an SP is going to let you blow in her mouth, whether covered or not, then she shouldn't be complaining about the act itself.

And then she was done. Went to the window, commented on the weather, got me a hot towel.

Total time there was about 17 minutes. Damage was $.3 And I didn't even get FS. Most expensive average CBJ I've ever had. And the WORST SP experience I've ever had. Not even going to bother with L/A/S. You can guess.